I went to the doctor for a well-child check-up today, and also to get my Tetanus and Hep A shots. We went through the routine: blood pressure, height, weight, etc. The nurse kind of gave me a funny look and marked something on her sheet. Anxiously, I waited for the doctor to come in. Again, we went through the routine: "Breathe in deep, say 'ahhh', bend over and touch your toes." Then she pulled out the chart.

"How bad is it, Doctor?" I asked.

"Better than we anticipated," she replied. "We've seen some progress, but I do admit that it is minimal. But there's still hope."

I let out a sigh and prepared myself for the worst. My doctor gave me the Look; you know, that sympathetic, 'I feel your pain' look that they get when they're about to break the bad news.

"We can expect for you to grow to 5'0, or 5'1" she finally said.

I felt the tears flood my eyes as I let the heartbreaking news overwhelm me. I had never held out much hope, but that last bit that I did cling to was now completely squashed.
We discussed my options, how I could still live a normal life, and I allowed myself to accept the reality that is my height.

Please keep me and my family in your prayers as we deal with the trauma. Thank you.

I've decided, after a year of knowing him, that Stephen has merited a post dedicated to him (don't worry, Delaina, yours is coming ).

This boy...wow, what can I say about him? I remember meeting him at Sooner; he was in my Bible class, and he had this absurd hat on with a margarita on the front and feathers sticking out the top. Little did I know that that was The Hat. I, being the amazingly energetic and outgoing person I am, rushed up and met him, and told him I was going to call him "Double Oh". I think he was kind of scared of me at first, but by the end of the week I counted him among my friends. He sat at my table with our cabin and their dates on Banquet night, and I let him take a feather I had found for him as his date. Over the year we talked on line, and he ended up becoming one of my best friends. I even developed a little bit of a crush on him, lol.

Somewhere along the way, we decided to be "engaged". Actually, I probably decided, and he played along. Ever since it's been our ongoing jokes. We have so many inside jokes, and no matter what kind of crazy scenario I come up with, he always manages to play along, which leads to very interesting conversations. We even recorded one of our phone conversations, and while listening to it at Sooner I decided I must have been on something, lol. Or maybe it's just the Stephen Effect.

And Sooner! Wow. This kid probably got tired of me, cuz I tagged around him all the time. I made him surrender his mp3, threw rocks at him, probably got on his nerves a lot. He ended up being my date to Banquet, which, as we decided later, didn't make much of a difference; I kinda acted like he was my date all week anyway. We had fun quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail and just in general being silly.

Despite all that: all the insane conversations, and crazy scenarios and us being "engaged", Stephen has become a person I can talk to about ANYTHING. And I probably have. Seriously, he knows so much about me that I don't know if I can tell anyone else sometimes. Cuz I know that he won't stop caring about me even if I tell him the most insane stuff. And not even just that; I love sharing my opinions with him. We've talked about gay marriage, abstinence, and all these other democratic issues, and even when we don't share similar opinions (though we often do), I still feel free to tell him everything that's on my mind.

Even our parents have picked up on our friendship: just last night, while I was cracking up laughing at the computer, my mom turned around and said "Are you flirting with your fiance?". His parents, also, feel like they know me. I've talked to them on his screen name, and I met them at Sooner (although I'm pretty sure they think I'm crazy...I ran screaming towards Stephen and tackled him with a hug).

[adding picture when blogger's working...mom, will you let me know?]
And FINALLY, do you not agree that this boy has the cutest smile EVER? He's probably embarrassed that I'm bringing this up again...but SERIOUSLY. I think he has the most adorable smile I have ever seen. My parents are even making fun of me cuz I rant about it. And it's a smile, not a grin, for the record.

Anyway, I just felt inspired to talk about this amazing guy. If you think you have a cooler Stephen than me, you're horribly mistaken. Mine's the best. I love you, kid. You make me smile.

Sooner. Was. Amazing.

Wow.

I'd love to recap for you all everything that went on, all the amazing-ness. But that would be impossible, and any attempts would most likely be in vain. So I'll just highlight the best parts.

Circle, as always, was my favorite. If you don't know what Circle is, it would be impossible for me to explain to you in a way worthy of its greatness. However, for those of you who are Sooner-ignorant, Circle is when the entire camp gathers in a feild at the end of the day. The oldest campers form the inner Circle, and then the next oldest and next oldest and youngest. We all hold hands and sing and stare up at the stars, and at the end we sing My God and I. It is the best. It brought me to tears 3 nights, which is weird because I never cry at that kind of stuff.

The lessons this week were amazing and convicted me and have strengthened me in my faith. Our preacher, Micah, was the absolute best. He got me at the heart every single night. Bible class was also really great. We had a bunch of good discussions and I feel as though I've really learned.

My friends are the best part of Sooner, by far. I made two new friends, first years who were in my cabin named Josie and Hailey. They were very sweet. And, as always, I got along really well with the people two or three years younger than me. They seemed to admire me for some reason. Then....there's Stephen, Delaina, and Brooke. Wow, what can I say about them??? I love them more than anything. At Circle, it always ended up that me, Stephen, and Delaina were together, and I loved being in between them, because I felt so loved and wanted by two of the most amazing people. Stephen was....my date? to this year's version of Banquet. Delaina is just amazing and beautiful. Brooke....God, Brooke is Brooke. I love them.

I sang twice. I hadn't planned on it, but all my friends bugged me about it. So on Monday, to appease them, I sang a song I wrote. Mmhmm. Appease? No. For the rest of the week, the entire CAMP nagged me about singing again. Not so much for my voice, but because apparently I'm good at writing songs. I sang my song Let Me In on Monday, and True Me on Friday. And to make Stephen happy, I'll let it be known that I got 3 rounds of applause on the first one, plus I made Victor cry, and a standing ovation on the second. Stephen seemed to like to point out those facts when I was *trying* to be modest. Loser.

So, yah. This post fails to convey the magic of Sooner, so get over it. If you want to know, it's 51 weeks til next year's camp. Registration starts on September 1, and Reunion in January 12-14.

Dear ol' Sooner Youth Camp, I'll remember you.....

"Save me, O God,
for the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in the miry depths,
where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters;
the floods engulf me.
I am worn out calling for help;
my throat is parched.
My eyes fail,
looking for my God."
-Psalm 69

I like that. Couldn't say why.

I walked 2-3 miles today just around the neighborhood....I think it was really good. I prayed and thought and now I feel so much better. Ugh, I hate how when you try to handle things on your own it just blows up in your face. Remind me not to do that anymore.

Lots going on right now. Can't even write in full sentences. ;)

But....I'm at peace.

It's ok. Life is ok. Life is good. Life is beautiful.

I love this song like no other.

"What is life? A thousand roads, a thousand ways
So why am I so afraid to move?
I crossed a line, I'm stepping out so come with me
I'd give it all cuz I'm drawn to You
As long as my heart is beating
Where you lead me, I will follow
Where you lead me I'll give my life away
Where you lead me I will follow
Forever and a day
I can't deny Your very prescence is my life
So why would I ever turn away?
Cuz deep inside I know that I cannot rely
On anything less than faith
As long as my heart is beating
Where you lead me, I will follow
Where you lead me I'll give my life away
Where you lead me I will follow
Forever and a day
This is all I'm dreaming of
To live completely in Your love
So this is life.....
Where you lead me, I will follow
Where you lead me I'll give my life away
Where you lead me I will follow
Forever and a day"

Hehe, that's my title song right now. :-D

I change my blog title finally. This is Where You Lead Me by MercyMe. I lovelovelove this song like whoa. Hehe. MercyMe is goodness.

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1. I have the worst memory, except for one week of the year. During my week at Sooner Youth Camp I go into some sort of super memory mode. It's really cool, actually. I've impressed people with the details I remember from camp.

2. I played the French Horn in sixth grade, and was actually pretty good. I never learned how to read music, so I played by listening to the guy next to me and following him by ear. The funny thing is I was in first chair for part of the year, even though I played by listening to him.

3. I have never been able to juggle a soccer ball (for those of you who don't know anything about soccer, that's when the people bounce the ball on their knee) more than 5 times, though I've been playing soccer since I was 7.

4. I cannot sleep with just a sheet, even if it's the middle of summer and is 100 degrees outside. I have to have some sort of blanket or comforter, though I usually end up kicking it off in the middle of the night.

5. I have this weird interest in American History, which is one of the reasons I want to teach 5th grade. In Texas, that's when you first learn about American history. My 5th grade teacher made it so interesting and fun, and I want to do the same thing for kids someday.

6. Before I lost my teeth, my dentist said I'd probably need braces. Luckily, my teeth all grew in straight, except for the one next to my left front tooth. It overlaps a little, but you can hardly notice.

7. I'm the biggest teacher's pet. I like for my teacher's to like me, with very few exceptions. I can't remember not being a teacher's pet. I think that also has something to do with the fact that I prefer the company of people much older than me than people my own age.

8. My favorite weather is thunderstorms in the summer with thunder that shakes the house and lightning that lights up the whole sky. I don't like thunderstorms as much in any other season, though I do still like them.

9. I have never formed a strong opinion about anything. I am pretty open minded and don't believe in anything strongly one way or the other. This is especially true with today's "big issues" like abortion, same-sex marriage, etc. I have opinions, but they are pretty borderline.

10. I have started writing more songs/stories/poems than I can count, but I hardly ever finish any of them. I have notebooks filled with one or two lines of what could potentially be good writing, but I don't have the potential to finish any of them.

My friend Andrew and I are going to do a guitar duet at the camp we're going to this summer called Sooner. We're doing Casting Crown's Your Love is Extravagant, which is a very beautiful song. I am trying to learn the female harmonies, something I absolutely suck at. I've got the song on repeat on my mp3, and I've decided I'm probably be very sick of it by the time Sooner rolls around. Hopefully not.

You know how sometimes something completely random will happen that brings back a certain memory? Well, a few minutes ago, as I listened to this song, I was folding my friend's shirt that I had borrowed. It was from her middle school choir. We went to the same middle, and I read through the names on the back to see if I recognized anyone. For some odd reason, even though her name wasn't on the shirt, I was reminded of a girl named Danisha Hicks. We were friends in sixth grade, and she sat next to me in Mrs. Garrett's 7th period. My sixth grade year was horrible; I was a lying, cheating, cussing little person, and I went out of my way to hurt people I thought were lower than me. For those of you who didn't know, that's the reason my parents homeschooled me for 7th and 8th grade. Anyway, near the end of the year Danisha said something to me that brought me down from my throne and made me sick to my stomach. I remember her face, her tone, her exact words to this day, and they still haunt me. She said to me, "You know, at the beginning of this year I wanted to be like you. And now I don't. You've changed."

This got me thinking of how I've changed this year. I've changed once again. I have started cussing, although I do try to keep it in check. I don't lie, because I have come to despise lying, and liars. I do cheat, and I'm so ashamed of that. I'm not where I was 3 years ago, but I'm not where I should be either. As I thought about that, these lyrics from my song played.
"Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin. No greater love have I ever known; you considered me a friend. Capture my heart again"

I have drifted away from God this year. I keep telling myself I'm going to do better, that I am going to pray tonight, that I'm going to read my Bible, that I'll do what I know I should. I've gotten angry at myself for not sticking to my committment at times, but usually I just try to ignore it and hope it will go away. I think I'm afraid of having to start over, afraid of having to build myself back up. Afraid that His love won't cover me and all the crap I've done. But I now realize, and I think I believe, that it will. He is able to do more than I can imagine. How amazing is that? His love is extravagant, and He can and will capture my hear again.

"Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel like moving to the rhythm of your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant
Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; you consider me a friend
Capture my heart again"

I have changed this year. My own life, and even how I look at life in general, has changed. My taste in music has changed, I have formed my own opinions about today's controversial issues, I have learned so much, and I have grown (although not vertically, unfortunately).

This has been a year of firsts and lasts. I've closed some doors that can never be reopened. I've opened some that will change the course of my life forever. One thing I've noticed about myself this year is that I'm afraid of growing up. I don't want my childhood to end any time soon. In fact, if I could, I would go back to being 10. I'm trying to do what most people my age are doing the opposite of- slowing down time. Which is why I have been scared of this year ending. I haven't felt like I've really LIVED. But the thing is, I've lived so much this year...I've done so much. So today I'm spending my last few hours as a freshman. And then I'll be a sophomore, and I'll have another whole year to grow some more. So, here's to this year. Here's to change. Here's to life.